Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holyness
For you are holy
Breath of Heaven by Chris Eaton
Yesterday was a dark, dark day. No matter why, the reasons don’t matter. But I was not feeling Christmas, and it broke my heart, because this is my favorite season. My daughter, bless her heart, who is only two and a half, asked me not to cry about six times.
I began to think about all the people I know who have given up Christmas. How they view the stress that goes along with decorations, baking, family plans, and of course, the inevitable shopping. I don’t know that I had ever felt the darkness that can loom over this season so clearly before, and I worried that they were right, and all these years I have been chasing a vapor.
But then I remembered a young girl, heavy with child, on a donkey, riding to an unknown city, knowing that any day she would be shouldered with the responsibility of raising a KING, while she had no chance of having the slightest idea how to do so. Fear, stress, pain…all these emotions must have loomed in the days before the first Christmas.
With that, I began to feel fortunate. All this stress is leading to SOMETHING. It is leading to embraces with my family, lit up faces, delicious food shared with loved ones, singing and smiling. It is leading to days of worship, of song, of a special kind of holy wonderment that is especially prevalent during the season. It is leading to a NEW YEAR, where I will welcome my own little bundle of possibilities.
I cherish the idea that our stress is a pale reflection of what Mary was dealing with in those last days, and how it must have melted away as the night sky shimmered with a star of unusual magnitude, a heavenly choir greeting the child, and unexpected guests arrived to worship.
To me Christmas HAS become a stressful time. So many people wanting things. Gift exchanging has almost turned into a money exchange. Here’s your $25 gift card to Walmart for my $25 gift card to Target. Gift giving has turned into a chore instead of an act of love. “Well, we have to get the Jones’ a present. They said they got us something.”
Instead of relishing THIS season, parents try hard to top LAST season and get a bigger and better gift than the previous year. Four year olds get new TVs, Game systems and an iPod because they “want one”.
As the nuclear family has dissolved – we have bigger families to buy for. Instead of just buying for her mom and dad and his parents, we have his mom and her husbnad, his dad and stepmother, her mother and new boyfriend, and her dad. Not to mention the added “step-siblings” that each new marriage brings. It is exhausting.
With the recession still in full swing and so many out of a job – Christmas really hits hard this year. It’s just one more “bill” that many can’t pay. I can see why it is so hard to feel the joy of this season.
I watched the Nativity story the other night while wrapping some presents, and I too was reminded of the reason for season. We are lucky to have our health, our children, and each other. I also hope for a better, brighter new year.
Amen. Exactly.
I watched part of the Nativity, too, while I was wrapping on Sunday night. I had never seen it before but it a quite powerful film. My favorite line is after Mary has the King and the visitors have arrived, she says to them “He is for all mankind”. Very powerful and helped me to remember what this season is all about. It is not about obligation, it is about the Emmanuel.
Well written as always Kate, you are talented.
Beautiful, Kate!! Love it…
That is why this year we all did a $10 limit for everyone’s gift(s), and it could be recycled, homemade, re-gifted, or clever in any number or ways… (well, I couldn’t talk my parents into participating, because even though we’re all grown & married, they still love to buy us gifts, so we’ll see if they took any of our suggestions of “paring down” to heart.)
For me, the sadness in this season is always that ticking clock, wondering when one of us won’t be part of it anymore due to age, illness, or unforeseen tragedy… I cherish every holiday, often times with trepidation & fear that it’s the last of an era. I treasure the beauty of God’s son being born, the traditional foods, carols, decorations, and the customs of our family coming together, going a little crazy for a few days, and then settling down on the sofa to read the gospel of Luke, laugh, pray, play and love. Merry Christmas!
You are a good person, Mamacake. I wish I had seen this post earlier. I had a terrible holiday, after years and years of having terrible holidays. Long stories, no need to relay them here. We made the decision to never be around our parents again on major holidays, just our kids, so that we can have a day of peace. I feel guilty, but, perhaps it is a good thing.
I hope your next Christmas is much merrier than this past one.