“Listen to the mustn’ts, child.
Listen to the don’ts.
Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts.
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me…
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
– Shel Silverstein
So, the Christmas season is upon us and being the mother of 3 young children leads me to the obvious question, “How to handle Santa Claus?” For some people it’s cut and dried. Santa is a lie. For others, Santa is just a fun game. As usual, I fall somewhere in the middle of all this, over thinking as I go.
My parents took the approach that Santa Claus was a nice man who lived long ago and loved Jesus. This led to an unforeseen complication: I went to school and told the kids Santa Claus was dead. Later, I felt robbed because I wanted to believe in him but I had been denied the choice. My husband’s family went whole hog with the mythology but he noticed at a young age that things just didn’t add up. Being a logical child he didn’t tell anyone because he thought that meant no more presents. He played along until he was about 8 years old.
I’ve been attempting to infuse these two styles into a perfect blending of truth and myth. My children love movies and books about Santa Claus. Every once in while I ask them if Santa Claus is a real person or a character like Buzz Lightyear. “He’s BOTH” my four year old declares. He is concerned because our fireplace is closed up. I told him I’m sure that doesn’t matter, which is true. So far my kids haven’t really asked me too many questions about Santa so I can’t trot out the line I’ve been practicing. “Mom, does Santa really have reindeer?” “That’s what they say!” My other favorite line is “What do you think?”
Being who I am, I’ve been a little worried. And Hugh being who he is just isn’t worried at all. He left the kids a note last year from Santa Claus, probably working on the assumption that some day the kids will notice a remarkable resemblance between Santa’s writing and his own. So, if I worry about the implications why do it at all?
For me, fantasy is not simply a means for stretching a child’s imagination. I feel it plays a crucial role in spiritual development. Recognizing otherness. The sense that the world stretches far beyond what we can see, smell, hear, taste or touch. That there are unproven, unfathomable things. For all we know, there is a Santa Claus. You certainly can’t prove he doesn’t exist.
Santa definitely exists as a Christ figure. For some Christians this a troubling, blasphemous notion. For me it’s comforting. Santa in no way is a replacement for Christ, but I believe he can point the way to helping us understand Christ’s qualities of love for children, his unequivocal charity, and his miraculous attributes. It’s not a complete portrait, but it is a picture. Someday, if my kids have trouble loving Jesus, I can remind them of the excitement of Santa Claus. Christ is all that, and much more. Dying for the sins and cares of the world might be too heavy for some kids, but every kid can appreciate the concept of free toys with no qualifiers.
I am adamant that I never lie to my children. But to me, saying there is no Santa is as much a lie as saying there definitely is. I want to leave the question open ended. To give them a chance to think it through themselves. Last year “Santa” made an appearance at my niece’s birthday party. “Mom, was that Uncle Ed?” Jarvis asked. “What do you think?” “I think it was Uncle Ed.” Jarvis remembers all this, but he still chooses to believe. And I’m not going to take that away from him.
I like the way you think kid.
Shouldn’t Christ-figures exist where ever Christ dwells? If he dwells within us and we act in a way oozing of his love, then our actions may very well resemble his. If you think of the bible as a story and our lives as a story than when we enter into the story of the gospel in our own life, then the continuation of that story in each of our own lives (and lives together) might naturally create some Christ figures, or make us create our own in our art. Sort of archetypal.
I think also that believing in Santa is not necessarily any worse for a kid than believing in Aslan, or that there are “Littles” living under the floorboards. Some kids also are distinctly good at knowing what’s Pretend, but still enjoy the fun of pretending. I mean, your kids know that they’re not space-astronauts when they build a rocket ship out of a cardboard box (such as I did) but the fun of pretending that something is real is what allows us to also solve problems, and role play. It shapes our ability to handle reality later on. (Usually. For me, it took a lot longer, like 33 years, to handle reality.)
But I think telling kids about Santa allows them to enjoy part of the history, tradition and festivity of Christmas, as long as it’s not built up to be some kind of grand lie that later on gets dashed and destroyed.
I’ve taken the approach that your mother took. So far, my kids are annoyed by Santa. They tend to think he’s a little stupid. However, they LOVE the movie Polar Express and desperately want to believe that a cool train is going to come whisk them away in the middle of the night to the North Pole!
Beautifully, BEAUTIFULLY said!
I never liked to lie to Alicia either, (Seth never believed in Santa) so I would say it was up to her…
“If she believed in Santa then he was real, and if she stopped believing in Santa… from then on her daddy and I would buy her Christmas presents.”
Children shouldn’t be robbed of the magic that is things like Santa. You don’t have to lie to your children to give them that magical Christmas spirit. I have WONDERFUL memories of the years I believed in Santa Claus. Even after I knew he wasn’t “real” I still loved him and the idea of “playing” the game with younger children.
I remember sitting on my mom’s lap one of the many times I asked her if Santa was real. She always said, “Well what do you think?” For years I would decide I thought he was. But I remember the year I told her I didn’t think he was real. She then explained Santa to me as the sprit of Christmas, giving and God’s love. Then she told me it is kind of like a big play the adults do for the children and now I got to be a part of the cast instead of the audience.
We totally did the whole Santa thing with Katie. She used to write him letters and leave cookies and milk for him and veggies for the reindeer every Christmas eve after the Christmas Eve church services. The my brother would always gobble it all up and leave Katie a letter back from Santa. She looked forward to this tradition and even after she knew Santa wasn’t real, she still wanted to play the game. She said it made Christmas more fun!
To this day, I still love Santa. It is just another part of my favorite holiday season of the year. Yes, Jesus may be the reason for the season…but you don’t have to forget Jesus to remember Santa. We ALWAYS sing Happy Brithday to baby Jesus on Christmas morning. We always have our own advent wreath at home…and then we have our Santa traditions too.
I love this paragraph and concept: “For me, fantasy is not simply a means for stretching a child’s imagination. I feel it plays a crucial role in spiritual development. Recognizing otherness. The sense that the world stretches far beyond what we can see, smell, hear, taste or touch. That there are unproven, unfathomable things. For all we know, there is a Santa Claus. You certainly can’t prove he doesn’t exist.”
Great essay. Sorry I keep just saying that and nothing else…
Sorry, but while I will not rob my children of an imagination, I will NOT lie to them about Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. I will tell them the truth, tell that they are like cartoon characters, it is ok to sometimes pretend they are real, but in actuality are not.
So, who is lying? Not me.
I believe that you should be led by the child. I personally loved it when I thought santa was real, yet equally enjoyed it when I was pretending he was for my little brothers and sisters. Each version has its own magic, and your child will tell you when somehow what version they are ready for.
this is something i’ve been mulling over this year as a new mom. fortunately, it’s not something i have to tackle yet. i remember fondly memories of chrismas as a young child, the anticipation of santa’s arrival on chrismtas eve, the magic of the next morning.
i also remember learning he wasn’t real and feeling like i was punched in the stomach. i hated losing that beleif. i still watch movies like Elf or The Polar Express and WANT to beleive again. i never begrudged my parents for leading me on or anything, and played along with it for many more years after i knew the truth.
and i like your ideas about teaching your children about otherness and how it can aid in spiritual lessons. but HERE is where i get nervous: the thought that someday my child will think I’m leading him on about God, too. i mean, at some point we all question God, it’s natural. i just don’t want my child/children thinking, “well, she made up santa. God’s probably a fairy tale, too.”
on the one hand, i know God can stand the test. i guess it’s not the possibility of my kids questioning God that scares me (i hope they do someday!), but the possiblity that the reason they question God is because they associate him with a holiday character. i don’t want to make God into a cartoon character.
arrgh! i have no idea what we’ll do. thank goodness he’s only two months old!
i am curious, though, do you all give you children gifts from Santa? i like the idea of letting him decide for himself if Santa is real or not, but i don’t know what i’d do about the presents.
sheeeeeesh, what a long comment!
i never dreamed that santa would be such a big deal by the time i became a parent. i walking through farm & fleet’s christmas decorations before thanksgiving, with my 2 year old in the cart, explaining who santa is and that he says “Ho Ho Ho” (not Ha Ha Ha) and he brings presents to good little girls and boys…you know the basics. then i suddenly felt the eyes and ears of the world crashing down on me. i silently freaked out that some parent was going to shred me for “lying” to my little girl.
to me, santa is a no brainer. i guess i just had way too much fun believing in santa as a child to deny my children the same excitement. in fact, as contraversey swirls over doing the santa thing or not, it’s become even more of a mission for me to include him in my family’s christmas celebration. after all, it was out of Christ’s love that the real st. nicholas embarked on his mission. as a christian, i want to reclaim the santa tradition in the name of Jesus.
i’m heartbroken at hearing of families forbidding santa claus and his reindeer because of the “great lie”…and now christmas trees because they are pagan. come on, people…haven’t we as a society moved past the pagan symbolism?